Rainy Day
by Imaginator
Summary: As it storms outside the Sanzo-ikkou's camp, Hakkai thinks of his past and how he will face his future.


Rainy Day (Hakkai)

It's raining again.

And, as I tend to do on rainy days, I think.

I think of a lot of things, actually. I think of life. I think of a time gone by. I think of Gonou, the name I left behind with my past.

But most of all, I think of you.

It's been quite some time, I know. Still, I am reluctant to let old grieves go. I can't let bygones be bygones.

Somewhere behind me, I can hear muted shuffles around the fire. It'll have to be provisions tonight; the storm caught us all completely off guard. Thank goodness for this small, secluded cliff or we'd all be still out there, drenched.

I can't remember exactly when I came to sit on this rock, excusing myself from the others. I suppose I just want to be alone with myself. How rare; I usually cannot tolerate the wave of bleakness that breaks across my soul when I'm alone. Well, I'm alone with my thoughts now. As if they know my sorry condition, they swarm all over me now, demanding my misery and revelling in it.

My eyes searched the black skies, trying in vain to pick out even the faintest glint of light. But the rain cries with me, asking to share my innermost sorrows.

It is cloudless tonight, Kanan. As cloudless as the night they took you. Took you and my soul away from me. Even as I watch, lightning cracks its unmerciful whip across the starless sky, so bright I blink without knowing it. It draws me close, beguiles me, croons to me and for a moment, I am lost in it.

I am Gonou, from whom fate stole you from.

I am Gonou, who killed a thousand youkais in my raging fury.

I am Gonou, who had to watch you die without being able to lift so much as a finger to prevent you.

I am Gonou, useless, helpless, lifeless.

A warm head nudges it way into my lap, breaking through my sordid reveries. I start, then look down to see...

Hakuryuu. My companion. My friend.

He headbutts my hand, as if demanding to know why I am so far from the comforting warmth.

"Soon," I tell him softly. "Soon."

Then, from where my last train crashed and lay mangled at the side of the broken track, I caught a new train of thought through the bitter storm.

But this one, this one is different. Floods of memories once again break upon me, but I am not drowned in my dispair this time. Instead, I see a brown-haired boy-not-a-boy, a crimson-eyed half-demon, a golden monk.

They know my past. They know my crime. They know me.

They accept me.

They too have their own share of fears they would like to forget. Of endless darkness, futile abuse, death of a beloved master. Yet they persevere on, knowing life won't stop its ceaseless turning for the likes of us.

They became to me closer than brothers, our futures entangled together to become a seamless net of intertwining destinies. We are companions. We are four. We are one.

They gave me a name for myself to start anew with. They named me...

"Hakkai!"

Yes, Hakkai. A name which my past couldn't inhabit, my sadness couldn't drown, my anger couldn't destroy.

A name that wouldn't fade away in the falling rain.

"Hakkai!" Goku rush up to me now, panting, "What are you doing here all alone? You're missing out on all the fun!" He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "And its so wet here!"

Wet? I shifted around and, sure enough the rock I am sitting on is as damp as my earlier spirits. Someone chuckles at my surprised expression.

"Well," he drawls, "If you're stupid enough to persist in sitting so near the entrance, you're bound to get more than a little wet." Crimson red hair falls into his eyes as he peers at me closely. "You feeling sick or something?"

"Ah, I'm perfectly fine," I assure him, with one of my smiles. But, unlike most others, this smile was genuine, born of a grateful heart for its closest friends.

"Oi." A third person had joined us, smoking rather liberally. "What are you idiots doing all humped over here?"

"Sanzo!" Goku jumped to his feet "Have you cooked yet? Harahetta ne..."

"All you can think about is eating, bakasaru."

"Nani! Say that to my face, ero kappa!"

"Gladly, you little-"

**THWACK!**

"Itei..."

Sanzo sheathed his fan and turned his disinterested gaze on me. "You've wasted enough time staring at the rain. Go cook."

Harsh words, perhaps, if not for that fleeting glimpse of understanding that passed through those purple eyes. I got up and brushed off specks of limestone dust, Hakuryuu coming to perch on my shoulder.

I was wanted here. I was needed here.

"Gomenasai, minasan."

Gojyo clapped his hand on my shoulder. " Cheer up, Hakkai. Everyone has their off-day once in a while."

"Yeah," Goku chimed in, resting his hand on my arm. "Unlike Gojyo, whose every day is an off-day."

"Why you little bakasaru!-"

"Ero gokiburi!"

"Aki saru!"

"Maa maa..."

"Don't interrupt us now, Hakkai."

"Ero-"

**THWACK!**

"_Another word out of any of you idiots_," said through clenched teeth, "And I'll _personally_ make sure to blow at least two bullet holes in you. **Each**."

But even Sanzo's threats were precious to me now; they showed he cared. They all cared. For me. Gonou. Hakkai.

Kanan, I will remember you forever, always. But life moves on, and I will move with it, step by step.

And I shall not be alone. Not with my companions by my side.

As we reenter the cave, I pause, turn to look once more over the horizon.

The rain has thinned to a mere drizzle. And through the blackness, I see a thin ray of sun piercing through, passing through the darkness to bring light.

And from that light, I see thousands of rainbows being born, luminous, beautiful, full of hope for the new day.

And I smile.

"Hakkai!"

I look once, twice more, imprinting the multitude of rainbows in my mind. Then I turn, returning back to my friends, back to where I belong.

.The End.


End file.
